Month: November 2022

Standing there again
In the pouring rain
Feeling all the pain
I have been here before
Knocking on death’s door
Trying to find my mind
Without you inside
You married a man
Leaving me with no plan
Of where to go
Or whom to hold
So here I stand
On soiled land
Just one step
Through muck and mud
Then just one glance
Into his eyes
He says he’d ne’er
Tell me lies
His grin so eerie
The empty eyes
I take his hand
It feels so cold
Now with death
I will find
My way back home

A tear rolls down your face 

As you look at me in disgrace

I look at the plate in front of me

Full of food I may never eat

Please you say

The word rushing down your face

Please eat

My brain tells me no

It says you can’t eat this food

And it’s not because I’m full

But because when I do eat

I’ll turn into a monster

Someone you’ve never known

Someone you’d never want to know

You say it again please eat

Why won’t you eat

You’re perfect

But I don’t see what you see

You won’t want to see what I turn into

I hate mirrors

Because they show me

A part of me I don’t want to see

I hate scales

Because I’m never small enough

I hate food 

Because with every bite

I become more and more of a failure

I hate myself 

Because I keep me from seeing

My own beauty 

But still you look at me

And say please eat

When you said goodbye
Did you think to cry
Did it break your heart
Like it broke mine
From dancing in the rain
To smiling through the pain
I built up these walls
You made them all fall
I picked myself up
Piece by piece
While you stood there
Laughing at me
What I did I don’t know
But you had to go
For yourself you said
But what I dread
Is what you really meant
Was I not your type
When you said goodbye
Was I too broken for you
Was it ever really true
When you said I love you
You moved on so fast
I thought you might crash
Into the idea of new people
Now I’m staring through a crack
In these walls I put right back
When you said goodbye
You didn’t even try
To find a way
To fix the pain
That we went through
Day by day

Red blue yellow pink green
Your favorite color changed everything
My favorite color used to be blue
Blue like the sky
Blue like the tears rushing from my blue eyes
Then you came around and it changed
Yellow like the sun
Or like the joy I felt when I heard your name
Then when you left it changed to red
Red like the anger in my head
Red like the devil on your shoulder
The one that told you
You aren’t worthy
The one that said you’re better off dead
But when you left
He walked in
Then it changed to green
Green like the grass
Or like the leaves that blow in the breeze
As he walked away it changed to pink
Pink as everyone else likes
Pink because if I’m like the rest
Maybe someone will want to stay